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Day 3

March 25th, 2020

What do you have to lose in order to gain? You can call it a fundamental question of human existence, or you can call it “the thing we all say in the mirror before paying That Much for Harry Styles tickets.” It would be great to just vibe through life, never having to lose anything to get anything else, but honestly, where’s the sparkle in that? A little bit of pain in the acquisition, a little bit of lost before the found… it sucks, but it’s the flavor of life. Like Twitter!

Today's stories look at the things we can lose, the things we can find, and all the ways we can go about the losing and finding. Whether love, money, our minds, ourselves, or our Twizzlers, you've gotta FIGHT (bum bum) for your RIGHT (bum bum) to HAAAVE IT!

 

Stay safe out there,

-Amy & Cassidy

Amy Muller

James Bean

Carly Rose Roy

Jack Becker

Vivian Qiu

Joey Rupcich

Anna Keating

Cassidy Jackson

AJ McDougall

Evan Montgomery

Anchor 1

Lunch Money

By Amy Muller

IT WAS A NICE DAY, with three perfect cotton-ball clouds in the sky and the sun in the corner, radiating squiggly beams and, if you looked closer (though you shouldn’t), wearing sunglasses. It shined upon two houses: one red and one blue, next to each other on a street that didn’t have any cars on it. 

 

In the red house, there was Timmy, who, having just tied his shoes all by himself for the very first time, was feeling like a pretty big deal. His smile stretched from ear to ear, and maybe even a little past his right ear if you looked closely at it. His mother, tall and patient and wearing a pearl necklace even though she’d never leave the house, affixed his primary-colored windmill hat to his head.

 

“Why do I have to wear this, mom?” Timmy asked, as he pulled on his backpack, which was the same exact color as both the house next door and his mother’s pants.

 

“Don’t ask questions, Timmy, it’s unbecoming,” she replied, giving the hat’s spinner a twirl. She gave him a dollar bill, green like the grass in their yard, and sent him on his way. “Have a great day at school!”

 

In the blue house, Billy (of the complicated life and striped t-shirt) was taping his shoes back to his feet. He’d never learned to tie them, and in a rage had ripped out the laces and used them to do some unspeakable things to the rats in the basement. 

 

He headed to the kitchen, which was only a table and a fridge, to look for his lunch. 

 

“MA!” he yelled to wherever, “where’s my lunch?” No response. He looked through the fridge. All he saw were eggs, and so he said a quick prayer that they had been hard-boiled and pocketed one. He wished there was a way to tell from the outside, but there wasn’t. He put on his purple backpack and gray beanie and headed for the door.

 

The school bus, yellow like the sun and Timmy’s shirt, picked them both up. Timmy and Billy used to be buddies, but once Billy grew taller and turned to a more muted color palette, their friendship had similarly faded. 

 

Billy missed having playdates at the red house, where life seemed to be simpler and the kitchen, though also just a table and a fridge, was always full of food. Apples, bananas, bread, eggs (hard boiled?), and water bottles sat on the table, which always had a single mom’s-shirt-pink flower in a vase at its center.

 

When the bus dropped them off at school, Timmy and Billy went their usual, separate ways to pass the time before they had to line up for class. Timmy joined his friends in their usual recess game, which had no clear rules but a fair bit of running. Billy stood near the brick wall where the other tall kids liked to stand, always with bad posture.

 

In this sense, the morning was very normal. But things started to go south when Timmy, doing his part of the running so seriously that he didn’t take note of where he was going, left the dollar-green grass of the field and careened into Billy on the asphalt patch near the brick wall.

 

They both fell to the ground. Timmy scraped his knee, its surface turning pink as the flower on his table. This, he thought, must be the most pain. He started to cry, tears leaving his eyes and arching up and away from his face until forming house-blue puddles on the ground.

 

Billy was upset, too, but not because of the fall itself. When he hit the ground, falling on his front side, he felt a wet patch appear over his right thigh.The egg, as it turned out, was not hard-boiled, and had shattered when he hit the ground. He wept too, but his tears were very small and nobody took notice. His friends, after all, had to focus on other pursuits, like pointing at Timmy as he tended to his knee, which was now bleeding house-red.

 

Billy opened his mouth to say something to his ex-friend, but before he could, Ms. Bernard blew the whistle and it was time to line up.

 

Timmy thought he had caught a break, but when they got in line, he found Billy right behind him, towering over him with that bad posture that he knew, from his mother, meant trouble. Billy looked angry. Timmy was scared. He tightened the straps on his backpack. What’s going to happen to me?

 

Billy was nervous. He really needed something to eat for lunch, and without his egg, he really didn’t have a backup plan. And then he saw it: a bright green corner of something sticking out of the outside pocket of Timmy’s backpack. Based on its shape and his limited knowledge of the world, it could be either spinach or a dollar, either of which was an absolute score. He reached out to take it, but stopped himself.

 

Stealing? Is that who I am?

 

In his early days of being tall, wearing stripes, and getting angry, Billy had dabbled in bullying. He took lunch money, gave noogies, and even stood as a lookout while his associates administered swirlies. But a life of crime had left him feeling empty, and he had sworn off of it. Turning back now, and worse, secretly taking from a boy who he considered his friend, would be unconscionable.

 

But by the time he was done pondering this, the green thing was already in his hand. He looked down at it. There was a telltale dollar sign in the center. He stuffed it into his non-eggy pocket. His altruism would have to wait for another day. 

 

By the time lunch rolled around, neither Timmy nor Billy was feeling great. Timmy was on edge because he knew Billy was coming for him. Billy was struggling to carry the weight of his own moral turpitude and couldn’t stand to look at Timmy for too long, lest he begin to crumble. Both knew they needed to do something.

 

“Hey Billy!” Timmy had decided to stand up for himself. “Or should I say, Bully.”

 

Billy was scared. Timmy realized what he had done and was eviscerating him with wordplay. He stood. 

 

“I know you’re mad at me for running into you, but I’m not scared of you!”

 

Timmy was wrong on both counts, but Billy let him continue, respecting the value of civil discourse.

 

“So you know what? You can have my lunch money. I’m giving it to you. You can’t take it from me anymore!” He took out another bright green dollar bill and slapped it down on the lunch table. All the other kids’ mouths turned to little circles.

 

“Timmy, I don’t want your lunch money,” Billy said, too quietly. Timmy gulped. This was what he was most afraid of. But then Billy continued: “not anymore.” 

 

Billy laid the dollar bill he had swiped on his end of the table. “I took this out of your backpack earlier. I only did it because my lunch broke. But that’s not what friends do to each other, and I want us to be friends. I’m sick of the fighting, and the fear, and the distrust. I’m breaking the cycle of negativity that has come to define our relationship. I hope you can forgive me.”

 

He turned and walked away from the table. Before he could get to the lunch monitor (he needed permission to go sulking), Timmy tapped on his shoulder. He turned to him.

 

“Wait, don’t go yet,” Timmy said, bravely, “we’re not done.”

 

He opened up his backpack. It was stuffed with dollar bills. Timmy’s mother really did spoil him. He rifled around in there for a while before pulling something out. An egg.

 

In front of the whole class, he cracked the egg on Billy’s forehead. 

 

“I know eggs are your favorite, and I wanted you to have this one. I was pretty sure my mom hard-boiled them, but-”

 

And the friends said in unison: “there’s only one way to be sure.”

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Anchor 2

PHYSICAL HARASSMENT (CONT.)

 

Faculty Observed Incidents.

 

The Buses. 

 

Congregated reports from our bus drivers detailed incidents of students smacking, shoving, kicking, throwing belongings across rows of seats, throwing belongings out of windows, and throwing belongings at one another, though 23 out of 25 of our bus drivers agreed that these actions rarely if ever had the intention of injury, though injury did occasionally occur. For instance, a mug was thrown at Emily Zhang in early February, which shattered her nasal septum. Additionally, a playful “fist to the balls” this April did indeed cause serious scrotal trauma for Austin Haynes, who had to receive emergency medical treatment. When asked about his experience, Austin confirmed that the incident was an “accident” but “really fucking sucked” nonetheless.

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Anchor 3

Freedom is Melted Snow

By Carly Rose Roy

SAMANTHA NEVER WALKED anywhere alone; at least until today. Her brother could not leave work to walk her home and she couldn’t stay a moment longer in that godforsaken church with everyone she ever knew and then hated.  The snow was falling very lightly and her hat was pulled down low and anyone watching wouldn’t be able to find a woman within the humongous coat she was wearing. Samantha doesn’t walk alone (ever!) because she has a fear of strangers and dogs and eyes and talking and public embarrassment and theft and dying alone on the street and her corpse being eaten by wild dogs or worse cannibals and she isn’t thinking about that right now she just needs to get home where there aren’t any of these things. 

 

Seemingly all of a sudden her vision blurs and her breathing is not something she has the privilege of not noticing anymore. She can’t breathe. Her hands are shaking, her chest is heaving on its own accord. She can not breathe. There is no air in this world and she could not breathe and she is going to die here in the snow. She is not walking straight anymore either. The ground reaches up in a caress and she falls unconscious in a sigh of cloth and snow. 

 

Samantha wakes up to wetness and warmth. Before she has the balls to open her eyes she remembers the snow and all that panic. She counts to ten. She does not open her eyes. She counts to ten again. Nope. This time, she thinks. This will be it. Before she even gets to five she begins to notice the sound of birds. She opens her eyes without coercion now only to discover the ocean on all sides, birds soaring above her, and the sun burning her cheeks.

 

Samantha is on a raft. A raft floating in an Ocean. Samantha searches her memory and finds nothing in her life that would point to how she ended up here. She accepts this miraculous new life very quickly. She is confused, yes, but mostly she is relieved. 

 

There are no people here, she thinks. No eyes and no cannibals and no people. 

 

A life without cannibals is what life was all about, Samantha decided.

 

Samantha was free.

 

She dove into the ocean and was never heard from again. 

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Anchor 4

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME Adrian has come to the sex party. The first was about two months ago, where he spent most of his visit in the corner with a tenured professor from the University of Hawaii. 

 

“You a professor, too?” the tenured professor asked him back then.

 

“What? No,” said Adrian. “Why?”

 

The tenured professor shrugged. “Must be your beard. Makes you look… erudite.” He leaned in and ran his tongue along the left side of Adrian’s facial hair, causing Adrian to shudder.

 

“I’m actually a student,” Adrian said when the moment had passed. 

 

“A student?” The tenured professor pulled back. “How old are you?”

 

“Eighteen.”

 

“Oh, fuck.” 

 

“What?”

 

“You’ve gotta be the youngest guy here.”

 

“I mean, maybe?”

 

“Don’t you ever, like…” The tenured professor took a step away from him. “Shouldn’t you be hooking up with people your own age?”

 

“I’m sorry,” said Adrian, “but what?”

 

“You’re a cute kid,” continued the professor. “What brings you to a dingy place like this? Shouldn’t you like, have a boyfriend or something?”

 

Adrian’s ears burned, unable to believe what they were hearing. “I did, but I don’t anymore. That’s why I’m here. Any more questions?”

 

The professor shook his head. “Sorry, I just… I advise a lot of kids your age. Just a habit.” 

 

Adrian crossed his arms over his chest, a motion he’d recently picked up when in awkward or defensive situations. “Yeah, thanks.”

 

The tenured professor nodded once and disappeared into another corner. After that Adrian found himself jerking off in the corner alone, watching a bear rim some otter on a slick leather couch. In short, the experience was underwhelming. 

 

He’s hoping tonight will be better. The party’s doors have only just opened, he’s shown his ID confirming his age and gave the twenty-dollar entry fee to the bouncer at the door, and is now stripping down in the changing area with two other men, both at least in their fifties. One of the men wears a cock-ring, his penis engorged and bouncing in front of him like the snout of a curious dog. The other man’s penis is quite small, like Adrian’s. The changing room is not the best place to make a first impression—too full of nerves. 

 

Adrian finishes and hands the coat hanger with all of his clothes besides his shoes and socks to the man at the coat check, who takes the hanger with a nod and a glance downwards. Adrian is then handed a ticket with a claim number on it, which he’s told to keep in his sock. He bends down to stuff it in, and when he does he also takes off the ring on his left middle finger—a cheap silver band with a small modest chunk of malachite in the center—and puts it in his sock along with the flimsy red claim ticket. Adrian doesn’t like having sex with that ring on. Not anymore. But he wants to keep it safe, and while the coat check man seems trustworthy, he just wants to be sure. And—although he won’t admit it—he still wants the ring close to him.

 

The main party rooms take about fifteen minutes to fill up. Until then Adrian and the other partygoers wonder from curtained area to curtained area. Tall, mostly white naked men line the walls like ghosts. Every now and then an apparition meets for a kiss, a grope. Adrian feels a hand on his ass, turns to see someone slightly shorter leaning in to kiss his collarbone. He pulls away, not quite ready to start.

 

Soon enough the rooms are filled with at least thirty people—enough for Adrian to feel less watched and more comfortable. His stomach lightens, he stops clenching his ass, and he moves forward to join a group of four in the middle of the room. One offers him poppers, and he accepts, sucking in with both nostrils like he’s been taught. He gets on his knees, presses his face into the center, a dick against each of his cheeks with one in his mouth. The blood rush arrives and he feels his throat tense. Adrian has only cried from joy one time, and he might cry again. 

 

People come and go from the center group. Adrian keeps sucking dicks. This stops only when a new partygoer pulls his dick out from Adrian’s mouth while saying, “Oh shit.” 

 

Adrian looks up.

Oh shit is right. 

 

He falls back on his ass, kicking the air in front of him. It’s dark and hard to see perfectly, but Adrian feels his heart pound, sure that people are staring. 

 

But he tries not to care. For now, he needs to keep his eyes on the person whose penis was just in his mouth. A squat boy with glasses with a rugby frame and a large distinctive freckle by his left nipple. Adrian’s ex-boyfriend, Brandon. 

 

“What’s wrong?” asks a man standing next to Brandon. 

 

Brandon shakes his head. “Um, it’s—”

 

“I’m leaving!” says Adrian, standing. “I’m leaving I’m leaving!”

 

“Hey, wait,” says Brandon, but Adrian doesn’t. He pushes past the staring ghost-bodies and hurries to get his clothes from the coat check. Once he gets there, though, he finds only the claim-ticket: no ring. 

 

Fuck,” he says, getting the coat check man’s attention. 

 

“Everything okay?” he asks.
 

“No, yes, I mean it’s fine.” Adrian pats his entire sock, then pats the other. “Fuck fuck FUCK!” 

 

“I’m gonna need you to calm down, all right?” The coat check man has come from behind the desk and puts a hand on Adrian’s lower back. “What’s the matter?”

 

“Nothing, I just…” He bites his lip and hopes none of the tears forming in his eyes trickle out. “I lost something.”

 

The man points to the main play area. “In there?” 

 

“I think so.”

 

The man sighs. “Well, uh… we kind of have a policy where we’re not responsible for anything not checked here, so—”

 

“No, I get it—”

 

“But we can help you search for it, if you want?”

 

Adrian considers but shakes his head. “I have to go.”

 

“Adrian, wait.”

 

Both Adrian and the man turn to see Brandon standing there. 

 

Adrian turns back away quickly. “What do you want,” he says.

 

“You dropped this.” In his hand Brandon is holding the malachite ring. “It fell out of your sock when you fell back, I think? Or maybe it happened earlier, I dunno.” A moment. “I’m sorry, I—if I’d known you were gonna be here, I wouldn’t have let Alex bring me—”

 

“Oh sure—”

 

“I mean it.” 

 

Brandon holds out the ring. Adrian reluctantly lets him drop it into his hand. 

 

“I’m glad you’re still wearing it,” says Brandon. “I really, uh… meant it, when I gave it to you.”

 

Adrian huffs. “Right.”

 

Brandon stands there, crossing his arms over his chest. Adrian looks back only for a moment to see Brandon’s familiar dick, and to see Brandon took a look at his own. The coat check man is noticeably watching it all. 

 

“I knew it was you as soon as you started, uh…” Brandon laughs. “You’ve always given the best head.”

 

“Just stop talking, Brandon.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Another moment. 

 

“Okay,” Brandon says again, before nodding and walking away. 

 

The coat check man goes back behind the counter to fetch Adrian’s clothes. “That was like an ex, or something?”

 

Adrian doesn’t say anything as he slips the malachite ring back on his finger. He takes the coat hanger and gets dressed silently. 

 

As he’s putting on his coat and getting ready to leave, the coat check puts out a hand to stop him.

 

“I just wanted to say,” he says. “Next time you come? You get in free. Okay?” 

 

Adrian just looks at him before exiting the loft, walking down the stairs, and going back out onto the city street, the ring itchy and cold against his finger. 

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Anchor 5

SOLVING THE PLAYPARK281236AARDVARK  puzzle was a rite of passage. If you had any skin in the game regarding completing puzzles, you were considered the real deal once you had solved the infamous game. The process, what the puzzle contained, everything about it was a secret. Those who did complete it got a special badge, and all seemed to somehow receive a brand new version of a smug smirk on their face, knowing that they had beat the titans. Those who didn’t succeed retreated back to their 5000 pieces in shame, knowing they’d never get the chance to try again. See, part of the struggle was the mystery. You had to go in completely blind into the puzzle. If there was any indication you knew what was coming when that package arrived in your mailbox, your attempt, and subsequent success, was illegitimate and cause for scorn and ire in the puzzling community. So you had one chance only.

 

Liz loved puzzles. It was a task she used to do with her father, back when he was still living with her. They’d started with small 50 piece ones, talking about their day and their interests, and she helped him train and prepare for his own attempt at the Playpark, giving him water and food by placing outside his door, and helping clear out any trash he placed outside. She waited for him with pride, trusting her dad to come out on top. He was there for days. She heard yells and screams from time to time, cries of anguish she had never heard from her father. He came out of the room a broken man, a shell of what he used to be. They never worked on puzzles together again, they never really talked after that. She was determined to succeed where her father had failed. She worked her way up, strategically increasing difficulty in her puzzles – in value, in style, in material, until she felt that she could really handle anything thrown her way. After placing the final piece on her GraterDays puzzle, the last of a pack known in the forums for being a great “training ground” for the playpark, she took a deep breath and made the call. It was an international number, and after reciting her address, she heard her doorbell ring. 

 

The puzzle, an unassuming gray box, sat on her front step.

 

She took it inside, holding it gently, worried that a small jostle would somehow destroy any progress she hadn’t yet made, and placed it on her puzzling table she had gotten for her birthday before her dad had started the challenge. Slowly, she lifted the box. All the pieces, a medley of wood and cardboard and plastic and feathers, and other things in materials she couldn’t even identify were packaged up in one plastic bag. After opening up the bag and throwing it away, she started to attack the puzzle piece by piece. There were no instructions, no image to refer to, only her instincts and knowledge to rely on to make her way through.

 

She worked on it for hours, taking breaks for water or small walks every once in a while to ease the strain on her back. There were times when she couldn’t step away, having to hold something in place and melt things with the heat from her palms, other times she had to look away, or close her eyes to activate the nocturnal or shy pieces. She cried (but made sure her tears didn’t land on any surface just in case different moisture contents would break them apart), she bled, she wailed. There was no doubt that this puzzle was truly the most gruelling and challenging task she had to ever achieve. She couldn’t wait for it to be done. It was going to be done.

 

She placed the tiny fuschia Stetson on top of the tallest wooden top. It was the final piece left on her table, the only thing not yet part of the sculpture, but nothing happened. No badge appeared, no doorbell rang. There she was, now sitting at her table alone, drained and tired, reeking of the Thai takeout she had  delivered on an earlier break, and nothing to show for it. Something had to be missing, she must have done something wrong. She started breathing hard, there was no way after 17 hours of working on this, she was going to screw up. She checked the box, flipped it over again, and again, and again. She crawled under the table, under all the tables, even the ones in rooms she hadn’t set foot in. She grabbed a flashlight and went outside, checked under her placemat in case something had fallen during delivery. Her hands were shaking in panic. She wanted to scream. There was no way.

 

It was there, underneath the table, curled in a ball and crying that it suddenly struck her. She raced to her trash can and emptied it all out. Curry juices dribbled out and onto the floor, and her hands suddenly were smeared with banana mash and rice grains. She foraged through the pile, quickly but meticulously until she found the one thing she had lost. She lifted the plastic bag that had held all the contents and stared at it. Hours passed. Days. She stood up and took it to her puzzling table and wrapped it round the tall wooden block wearing the Stetson, so it looked like a gossamer cape. 

 

Her doorbell rang.

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Anchor 6

"LISTEN, ALL I'M SAYING is that she wouldn’t have shown up if she didn’t want a piece of the old Paulster, you know what I’m saying?”

 

“Paul, you moron, of course she showed up. It was her cousin’s bat mitzvah, you full throttled ass-”

*SPLORCH*

 

Cam stopped in their tracks, their incredibly sick burn utterly iced. About 10 feet in front of them, someone had just thrown a fully baked pie straight on the sidewalk. Maybe splorch was the wrong sound, maybe like a *SPLOTCH* or a *PLUTCH* or something like that. It was like the sound when you accidentally step in mud and your entire foot goes under, or like what Cam imagined putting pudding in a vagina would sound like. Very wet, very guttural, and an obvious sign that something was wrong. 

 

“It’s blueberry” Cam said into the phone, interrupting some rant Brad was going on about how women probably didn’t approach him because they thought he was gay since he washed his hands after peeing.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s blueberry, or wait...are those blackberries too?”

 

“No Cam, when I said bitches probably gotta be thinking I’m a fruit that’s not-”

 

“Sorry, can you repeat everything you’ve said so far but using Fast and the Furious as a metaphor for it? I got lost” 

 

“Oh sure thing, so this is sorta like a mix between Fast and Furious and The Fast and The Furious situation with a little F8 of the Furious action thrown in there….”

 

Cam muted themself and slipped their phone into their pocket. They knew getting Paul to compare chasing after “big purple clams and bouncing chest beefers” (Paul’s words not theirs) would keep him busy for the next hour at least. In the 10 years they’d known Paul, Cam knew they could count on him to objectify women, to know every last detail about the Fast and the Furious franchise, and to love somehow horribly combine these two. In a grotesque way, Cam usually loved listening to Paul describe how he wanted to Tokyo Drift across Kate Upton’s chest (if she’d let him of course), but Cam had a more interesting exhibit curiously sprawled out before them.

 

From the second they had heard the *SPLOATCH* their eyes hadn’t left the carcass of the pie. Blueberries and blackberries stained the concrete, a stain darker than the darkest depth of the ocean. And this damned spot would not come out, not here, not now, not ever. For as long as Cam stared into the abyss of this berry stain, it refused to stare back. No, not refused, it could not stare back. It had not been dropped; it was thrown. 

 

Cam wanted to scream yet words failed. Cam wanted to run yet the world stalled. Cam wanted, but what did they want?

 

“I’ll give it to you!” the pie had not cried; had not flung itself vigorously, violently down onto the pavement. This pie was murdered. Why? By Whom? Did it matter? Would Cam be the only one at its funeral? Had Cam chalk, they would’ve drawn an outline like they do on NCIS. Do they actually do that for dead bodies? Paul would probably know. But he’s busy talking about how the girl in his chemistry lecture totally wants to pull his emergency brake...whatever that means...

 

In letting their mind wander their vigilance gaze had waned. Had those ants always been there? Little brown soldiers attacked the body, plundering and pillaging ruthlessly. Yet surely some Alexander down there must be weeping that there is no pie left to conquer. Memento Mori, all must die; all is pie. Cam could not shake the feeling of the divine within this pie. It was transcendent. It was ineffable. It was slightly underbaked. Had it been murdered….or had it been offered? Had some divine baker offered this pie to the world? Sacrificed in the name of the salvation of humankind as a sign of the immense unknowable? 

 

“Take this, all of you and eat of it; for this is my crust, which will be given up for you….”

 

Though we must perish, our very insignificance endows our being with meaning, for in the giving of the pie the division between self and other has dissolved. Cam is the ants are Cam is Paul is Hobbs and Shaw are Cam is the pie. In ego death there is eternal life. We are all one in the pie, and to the pie we must return. 

 

I have no mouth and I must eat this pie. 

 

In an instant Cam leapt upon the pie, seized by some higher power. Tears rolled down their face as they shoveled fistfulls of blueberry and blackberry mana warmed by the glistening pavement.

 

Their phone had fallen from their pocket, yet Cam could not hear Paul’s holy confession that he would “suck the Rock’s dick no questions asked, but that doesn’t make him gay since that’s what anyone would do.” No, to acknowledge Paul would be to acknowledge Cam, would be to acknowledge the distinction and differences between them, would be to break this transcendent oneness. Within this holy communion there is unity, there is complete human instrumentality, there is, and only is, and forever is. 

 

*SPLOTACH*
 

*PLOUATCH*


 

*PLORSHTCH*



 

*GLORTHC*





 

You have to imagine Cam smiling as they scarfed down pie off the sidewalk.

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Anchor 7

Twizzlers

By Anna Keating

I CAN'T FIND MY TWIZZLERS.  I swore that I must have put them behind the Oreos in the cabinet. But when I came back they weren’t there. Did my brother take them? Or my sister? Or my dad? They're just gone. I went to look for them in the cabinet next to the cabinet where I put my Twizzlers, but they weren't there either. Nor the cabinet next to that. I don't understand how you lose Twizzlers in the middle of quarantine. I didn't even leave the house.

Maybe I ate them?

No, I didn't do that.

I scoured the whole house. The dog was sitting in the basement corner curled around a pile of Twizzler pieces. He was asleep. I found out that he stole them because he was vomiting in the basement.

Now, how the dog got the Twizzlers down from the shelf I don’t know. I followed the mystery further. 

Upon interrogation of my sister–which was simply tickling her–she gave up that she had taken them from my dad who had taken them out of the cabinet. And she had left them on her bed. Satisfied with her answer, I went to ask my dad why he took my Twizzlers. He said he paid for them, that's why he gets to eat them. But the trick is that I brought the Twizzlers home from school. So all the Twizzler thieves were wrong.

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Anchor 8

The Dinner Party

By Cassidy Jackson

GWEN HAD NEVER COMMITTED to anything in a way that made an imprint on her body before. The way ballerinas have messed up toes and like, lots of muscles. Or the way if a baby eats too many carrots they turn orange. Gwen had never even been able to commit to a pair of shoes for long enough to get a blister. Blisters hurt. And she doesn’t like to get hurt.

 

She didn’t really care one way or another about molding her body into something it wasn’t already. It got the job done as is. She didn’t need to commit to a diet or hobbies that were uncomfortable. Because it did seem like the only hobbies that really left a mark on the body were ones that were uncomfortable. Gwen much preferred the softer things, reading, watching tv, and going for walks around her block. 

 

She’d also never been in love. Didn’t see the use for it. She loved a lot, just not a human man (besides her dad). She loved her friends, collected through school and maintained through dinner parties every couple of weeks. She loved her collection of books, especially when they were lined up by color on her shelf. She loved The Food Network, especially the Barefoot Contessa. And she loved the way the light hit the windows and reflected back at her on her walks. 

 

She knew her neighbors thought she was lame, especially the sixteen year old who had just moved in across the hall. And they might’ve been right, but the way Gwen saw it she just knew what she liked and stuck with it. That said, she always waited to leave the apartment when she heard the giggles of teens outside her door at 3:30 on school days. Someone can be cool without conforming to the standard of coolness determined by sixteen year olds she repeated to herself like a mantra. Gwen was way cooler than a sixteen year old. 

 

Her therapist was on a mission to get her to try new things. Gwen was skeptical. She didn’t feel unhappy, so why do anything different? Rachel, the therapist, said she was, “stunting her growth as an adult.” Gwen decided to compromise. She was going to make dinner from scratch for all her friends. Far enough outside her comfort zone to appease Rachel but close enough that she wouldn’t have to leave the house. 

 

So here she was in her apartment, covered in flour, trying to make bread from scratch. It was 4:00, people would be here at 5:30. The bread was not going well. It hadn’t risen as much as it was supposed to but Gwen had carried on. To be honest, she hadn’t really noticed, she had had her first glass of red when she made the marinade for the chicken at around 1:00. She might have been a little drunk. But either way the bread had made it into the oven and according to the timer it would be done in about 45 minutes. 

 

Gwen spent those 45 minutes half asleep on her couch and woke up to the smell of lightly burnt bread and the sound of both timers she set beeping away. She sprang up and across the room into the kitchen, threw the door of the oven open, and without thinking pulled the baking sheet out of the oven bare handed. She shrieked as she threw the half-risen, half-singed loaf onto the counter, immediately clutching her hand. It was bright red as she thrusted it under cold tap water, which did not help. It burned and kept burning despite the cold water rushing by. It was at this moment, with a hand that was now throbbing and tears in the corners of her eyes, that Gwen realized that her friends would be arriving in 45 minutes and all she had for them (despite having been cooking for over three hours) was a burnt loaf of bread, raw chicken marinating in a tupperware container in the fridge, and a salad dressing she had made which had joined the other perfectly good store bought salad dressings in the door of the refrigerator. 

 

Gwen had never rallied before, but she channeled Rachel and decided there was a first time for everything. Somehow, despite her burning hand Gwen roasted red potatoes, brussel sprouts, and cauliflower, cooked the chicken and reduced the marinade down into a glaze, and tossed together a goat cheese, pear, and arugula salad. She was so busy she forgot about her hand and even the impending arrival of her guests. When the buzzer rang as she pulled the vegetables out of the oven (with an oven mitt), it nearly gave her a heart attack. She buzzed in her friends and while she waited for them to make their way up to her 7th floor walk up she brought all the food out to the table. 

 

The door was unlocked and they let themselves in, as they always did. They had never seen Gwen’s apartment in such a state of disorder. The kitchen utensils had spilled out of their usual places to nearly every surface as she had scrambled this meal together. All of Gwen’s friends screamed at the sight of her right hand raised in a hello wave, totally red and blistered. 

 

Gwen was shocked at the reaction. She knew her friends didn’t think she was much of a cook, but really guys? Screams of horror?  She thought the meal looked pretty good. In fact she was more proud of herself than she had been, maybe ever? Look at what she had made. A perfect meal, achieved through hard work and commitment. It was at this moment that Gwen caught a glance of her right palm. Her very first blister took up nearly her entire hand, the same hand that broke her fall when she fainted from pure shock. 

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Anchor 9

Ö̴̡̪́n̸̢̢̢̗̘̲̠̝͓̲̪̭̲͇͂̏̄̾̈̄̅̆̆̓͂c̵̩̪̰͔̩͔̭̫̈́̽̆̌ḙ̶̪̹̖̲̟̺̇̋ ̴̻̦̭͔͖̼̦̉̄̈́͜u̴̢̧̘͕͚̜̗͓̣̪̻͗̈́͂̆͝͠͝ͅͅp̵̧̢͎͎̖̪̮̫̖͇̭̣̩͔̈́̿͒̋͊̿̿̎̌͑̓̓̚o̸̡̗̟͍̞̯̜̞̩̼͚̺̥͕͆̓̈́̎́̐̑̐̐̆͛̕͜n̴̡̝̣̫͎͍̤̤͙̟̪̪͆̔̎̂̑̾ ̸͓͓͍͑͘͝a̵̧͈͊͂̆͝ ̵͓̺͈̳̙̟̌̃̏͗̓̑̂̇̓̆̌̍̊͠ț̵̢̰͉̑̓͑̆̌͒͋͋̚͠i̸͖̰̗͔̻̓̎̚͝m̶̞̀͊͛̇é̷̝̞͎̈̉̈̒̚ ̷̘͖̦̱̜̘̮̰̼͎̂͆̉̿̅̆ͅt̵̝̏́̆́̅͊͛̀́͗͆̏̂̌͝h̷̨̧͍̗̮̜̘͚̘͔͖̖̦̘͚̓̀͠͝e̷̮͎̘̩͓̬̺̥̙͕̟̺̹̰͊͆̒́͛̈́̂͝ȓ̷͇̟̙̗̣̫̫͇̫͇̣͐̐̃̿͐̉͑̌͘ȩ̶͍̳̦͕͇̰̻̱̩̞̻̭̀̽̓̂̒̓ ̶̨̢̬̪̞͓̻̙̙͖͂͑̐w̷͚̎̀ä̴́͜͠s̸̘͈̫̹̩̀̌̿͂̈́́͘ ̷̡̧̖͇̮̲͖̲̤̰̜̅̿͜a̴̧̨̲̝̪̰͔̞̩̩͂̒̿́̉̽͑̿͛̀͜͜ ̸̩͓̠͔̻̙̜͕͔̩͈̳̀̐̇͛̓g̷̡̨̟̖̟͙͍̣͈͉̟̺͇͔̦̈́̆̓́͐i̷̡̛̥͙͕̹͈̘͖͖̝̬̗̗̞͈͌̏̀̐͒̉̊̆͒̄̓̕r̸̛̖̪̝̼̟̱̺͖͉͔̾̈̉͋̔́̕̚͜͝ͅl̶̙̲̥̕ ̵̨͓̟̞̤̥̼̝̮̭̟̦͕̳̩́̎̇̿̇̈́̆̒̆͂͌͊͂̌n̴̩̫͆͒̍̒a̸̡̼̪̭̞͓͚̜͔̟̬͓̫͛͐̔̐̕m̵̧̡̡̘̫̯͕̦͚͋ͅͅę̶̝̳̙̪͇̽̍̆̔̅̑̓͊d̵̢̛̗̣̺̥̤͙̝͕͔̭̙͖̀́̅ ̴̛̞̟̖̼̻̖͉̝͎̿̄͠R̴̛͉̗̲͎̠̋̄̀́̀̄̀͗͛̀̇͜h̸͉̝̻̞͉͙͓͙̤̲͌̌͌i̷̧͉̩͈̬͇̥̱̪͆̀͝ä̴̡̤̙́̈́̒̓͝ņ̶̧̼̠̻̙͚͇̍̈́͊̓͒͒̽̄̒͐̾͘ ̷̢͓̳̜̞̝͈̠̤̘̝̮̦͐̿͌̇̔́͛̌͐̿̑̏̚À̷̧̨̧̨̹̭̜̤̫̝͑̋̾͛͊̃͌͗͒͆ḻ̵̨̨̟̯̜̩̣͗͛́̈͘͝b̵̟̰͍̯͈̈́̅͐̓̈́̇͒̒͂́͠͝ͅe̶̢̟͉͖͈̦͕̗̲̳̻̯͓̋͜ͅr̶̝̹̟̙̰͖̼͐͌̐̈́̑͑̒͝ͅͅṭ̸̦̥̭̞͔̑͑͊̋̅͌̅́͛̆̈́̚͝ŝ̸̼͖͍̦̈́̅̈́̍̊̒̿̋̿͊͋̕o̵̢̻̫͈̼̒͆̓͋̀̈́̈́n̷̪͛̓̐.̶̨̨̢̥̪͍̪̯̻̹͚̩̰͋̂̔͜

 

 


 

And she did live in a modest one-bedroom apartment in a dusty, beige-colored complex, and whiled away the hours applying to occupations online.

 

Rarely did she receive a response, and when she did, it was always one of those automatic, bot-generated messages where you can see the word “Unfortunately…” in the notification and your heart sinks.


 

Ų̴͈̠͕̪̥͚̫̘̈͆̀̄̿̔͆̕͝ņ̷̡̞̤̜͈̱̺̲̫͒͆̈́͑́͂̈̅̇́̕ṱ̸̖͚̜͙̠͖͚͔̩̼́ǐ̵̛̩͇̺̮͛̀̈̐̀̓̽̔͘ͅl̵̰̠̺̟̯̼͈͒̉̓̐̐̆͂̉̅̊̂̈́̐͘̕ ̸̠̹̮͎̤̠͔̈̅̅̿̓̓̒̚̚͜ͅơ̸͉̣͍̝̞̤͇͉͈̻̈́͊ͅň̵̫͎͙͍̤͔̟̝̺̭̋̐͆̿͐̍̂̿͝ḛ̴̙̗͐̽̓͑̾̀̍̈́͊̍̉͂̚͠͠ ̴̮̈d̵̝̬͎͈́̈́̽̚a̴̦͉̤̽͆͑̍͌͊̔̈́͋͐̾̀̈́͆y̵͍̳͔̪̣̟̪͎̹̲͉͑̀͐̄̔̉̑̉͂̃͝ ̶̨̤͓̳̲̍̈́̍̓̔̀̓̌͝A̸̞̠̬͚̲̺̘̜̳̭͈͋p̴̡̧̠̯͇̠͒̿̈́͑̅͜p̶̡̧̛̺̜̒̒̑̋̇̐̍̎͂̄͗̿̈l̶̢̛͍̤̩͗̆̿̽̏̈̅͠͠ȅ̵̛̱̱̠͎̠͚̙̋̇ ̶̳͚̝̳̺̯̣͙̰̑̄̆͑͝͠İ̵̡̨̛̺̼̯̗̮̦̱̦͗́͒̽̒̈̓̃͑͂̕͝ǹ̵̩̖̩̥͓̳͇̳̰͔̘͐́͗̕͠ç̶̛͉͈̻̟̐̈͗̆̀͗͌̈̌͒̽̌.̶̛̞̓̉̀̋̇̔̈́͐̍̅͠ ̴̙̺̗̰̩̰̉̑͒̎̔̐̅̒́̚s̵̥̒̓̈́͒͆̒̌̐͂͂̃̍̒̎͜͝ą̸̡̠̩̳͙̼̎͆w̴̢̛͕̦̣̘̾͒̔́͂͂͐̆̈́̎̆͆͘ ̶̬̻͇͍̘̯̱͎̫̓̾̆̔̈́̋f̷̫͚̀̃̌į̸̮̩̭̖̤̩̓̿͝ţ̴̛̗̥̔̾͒̈́̚ ̷̙͔̄̎͑̐̆̉̄́ţ̸͇͉̝͕͕͎͕͗͛́̿͒͗͗̈̈́o̷̡͈̱̖̼̔̍̀͂́͒͊̂͘ ̶͖̘͈͗̃b̴̢̧̡̹̳͍̭̣̰̝͖̔̀̇͊͒͆̃͌̈̾͋̈́̅͌̂ͅë̷̘̠́s̸̨͇̩̘̹͈͍͙̲̬̗̭͆͜ͅt̷͖̎̀̅̓̌́̍͒̾͌̒̀͘o̸̭̗͚̟̦̩̺͔̪̒̈̀̏͛w̴̛̟̓̓̆̐̓͛͒̔̀̾̾͘ ̴̨̬̳̤̦̳͚̲̫̫̥̀̓̋̅̍̐̀͒̒̒͊̚ú̶̙̇͒͌̇͝p̶̟͋̆͑̈́̃̓̄́o̷̻̜͛̄͛̿̓͝n̸̡͈͈̟̺͓͍̯̣̈́̾͒̓̍͐̾̚͝͝͝ͅ ̷̲̪̲͔̤̹͖͎͕̆̂̌̋͑̽̏̋̍̈̒̕͠h̴̨͖̖͍͇̼̩̟̯̜͔̦͋̈́̐̅̀͌̿̚͘e̸͈̟̩͙͊̽̇ŗ̶̭͕͍̺̟̼͇̝͗̊̐̌̈ ̴̨̗̰͎͇̼̻̊̀̑̈͂ṭ̵͈͚̗̰̹̤͎̑͑̃̋h̷̢̨̖̯̤̲̙̬̝̹̗͍̖̼͂̒̐͆͜e̸̜̳̎̐͋̋̀̒ͅ ̵̜͚͎̲͔̭̺͈̳̠͎̆̓̄̃̃͑̏ơ̷̧̯̝͖͍̭̙̜͕̠̭͉̜̌͛̂̈́͑̈̾̇̍́̿̈͌ͅͅf̶̢̢̯̜͕̖͔̙̳͛͌̆͜f̷̨̯̞̺̺̫̤̱̯̃́͂͛̔̉̚̕͝e̸͓͂ŗ̷̮͎̻̞͛ ̴͚̄̄͛̔̔̑͠ọ̷̫̈̓̄̑f̶̢̨̡͍͚͔̥̠͆͛̉́̆̋̉̉̿̓͘͝ ̶̢̞̤͚̻̖͔̱̠͙̗̰̄͂͑̆̿͂̐̀̿͂̽̐̚͜͠ḁ̷̫̟̍̑̕ ̷̛̹̻̩̦̠́͐̅͋̿̊̍̊͐̿͘͝͝v̶̯̎͗̚͝ī̸̧̭̫͇̘͝d̶̢̻̙̜̤̮͍̻͛̿͂͋̓ͅȩ̴̗͒͗̄̍̽̐͋͒̓̏͝ŏ̷̱̥̪͎̖̦͈̗̹͎̥̽͐͊̊́̾̉̉̕͘͝ ̸̳͈͈̅̍̏͆̏͛̏̍͗̄̆̓̕̕i̴͍̓̑n̶̛̤̜̹̻̺̼̙͂̊͗̔͝t̷̫͙̝͛̃̆͐̈̕͜͝e̶̛͉̾͋̓̒̍̌̀́r̶̨̧̛͚͍̳̙̰̼̥̼͉̙̻̘͈͒̆̔̂̈̎̃̊̒v̴̙̞͇̟̮͈̬͂̎̂̉͆̈ǐ̷̩͎̳̳̺͜ͅe̸̡̫̬̲̫̹̪̘̭̰͍̥̋͜͜w̸̥̄͑͌͋͑.̷̨̧̛͇̭̯̣̖͕͕̫͙͇̓̾̏̊̃̓̅̎̽̃̉̐͘͘

 


 

They asked her what suited her for the rotational internship, and how her experiences had shaped her dreams, what her favorite Apple product was, and how she would climb out of a blender if shrunk down to tiny size. Rhian sweat blood in answering her questions, but she took pains and her recruiter, Albie, took note. In 4-6 weeks, she received a reply: she’d been moved on to the final round of applications.

 

The final round consisted of one hellish, damned task:


 

Ữ̵̛̦̭̻͚́͌̈̏́̇͑̾ñ̶̡̢̨͔̲̙̞̬͙̱̑̎̌ͅȩ̷̡͎̯̺͍̫̪̣͓̏̋͆̀̎̆̇́̕͜ͅá̷̖̭͉̬̠̬̉̐͌̒͑̀̇̔̆̈̚r̴͎̫͈͓̞̲͉̜͑̆̌͋̽̽́͐̓̂́͘͜ṭ̷̩̙͊͆̋̍̈̇̆̚͘h̸̖̬̼̖̤̲̟̱͆͛́̒͗̆͒͆̈́̾̋ͅ ̴̢̨͔͙̤͖̯̹̗͚̻̯̑̎̒̾̂̎͆̓͐͠t̵̡͎̮̘̥͕̰̯͉͛́̃̕ͅh̴̩̼̗̾̏̕e̴̡̛̛̛͓͇̻͈̾̏̎̎̅̇̇̔̇̏̑͊ ̵̡̨̛͕̳̱̜͎͚̯̉͛̆̿̀͛̓̎̕̕͝͠c̴̢͈̦̥͇̞͗̍̈́̉́̾̏̀̀̓̾͊̀͝o̶̡̓́̆͝l̸̢̺͔̬̫̦͒̋͗͒̔̍͛̚͜d̴̡̧͕̝̹͕̹͚͇͙̖͍̖̺̾̅͆̈́̈́̃͌̈́͆̈́̐͠͝,̵̨̘̬̺͗ ̸̨̛̘̱̫̮͚̦̻̠͎͆̒͆́r̴͈̪͐̅̈̃̓̾̾̋̚̚i̷̛͍̯̱̳̯͔̰͍͌͊̂̉͌̒̑̏͑̇̈͒͝͝g̵̢̧̗̼͈̯̯̯̹͓͓͊͆̋͊̄͘͠͠ĩ̵̡̨̬͔͓̉̂͗̔̃̽̾͂̄͒͘d̸̡̡͎̞̥͐͑ ̶̧̛̞̮͇̫̲̖̟̹̣̖̦̼̈́̽̆͗̍͛̽̇͠c̸̬̬̦̹̠̫̾͗̅̊̕ͅo̴̰̭͔̝͑̇r̵͓͐p̵̛͕̞̤̪͈͔̜̥͚̱̬͛͑̋̃̋͌́̚s̸̻̻͋̂̈́̑̏͘͠ë̵̖̗͖̙͈̬̲̭́̽̌ ̶̨̢̲͚͇͔̗͕̟͈͈͈̇͂͆͆͑͊̎͋͂͒̀̄̍̇ȍ̵̡̭͖̲̫̮̙̥̜̝̙̥͂͘͘f̷̨̘͕̖̞̰̺͚̤̀̒̃͒͌͌ͅ ̷̱̬̩̝͕̓̋̎̌͑͗̅ͅŞ̴͇̼̯͖̠͍̫̜͈͋̇͌̏̑̓̈́̄̈́͠͠t̴̨̢̛̼̣̹̟̠̗͕̺̥̬́̾͗̅̄̍̄̽͌̆̈́̏̄͊ͅe̸̢̧̛̞̯̰̺̟̞̳̪̝̺̺̪̓͛͌̄̿̿̓͛̓v̸͎̹̓͑̎̒͌̓̓̍̆e̶͖̯͈͇̟̻̮̮͐̆̏̀́̉̐̂̈́́̃̕n̵̨͍̲͔̤̠͖̯̜̮͔͚̭̱͎̍̌̀̍̌͒͛̂͌̂̀͛̎̃̕ ̷̰͕̠̠̖̝̣͖͙̱̼͋͒̈́͋̾̑̇̎̓̋͘͘͝͝P̶̠͕̭͋̀̾̅̏͌͘ă̷͕͈̦u̷̢͚̪̘͉̥̻͖̖͔͈̘̜̓̌͛̌̚ĺ̵̺͖̮̈́͂̓̅̀̓̄͜͝ ̴̲̬͎̖͚̮̃̌̓̌͛̀͑̔͠J̶͕̟̜̬̙̘̤̹̫̿̀̐̑̐̔̔̑̏̕͠ŏ̷̲̀̀b̶̧̧̡̢̤̮̝̗̠̫̱̿͛̈̔̉̿͂̐́̓̋̀͘s̷̡̞͕͓̼͚͚͔̗̖̠̀͋͆̂͋̑͋̈́̀͠.̵̠̗̞̰̹͎̣͛̀̓́̀̽͜

 

 


 

And do what with it? Albie, her recruiter, did not deign, or dare, to pen a response.

 

Her gray Oldsmobile pulled up to the creaky gate of the graveyard eight hours later, under the cast of night. Palming the shovel she’d taken from her stepfather’s garage, she strode across the accursed earth, running her fingertips lightly across the tops of the gravestones. She thought perhaps she could hear the whispers of the inhabitants of the frozen earth, begging her to turn back.

 

Shivering, Rhian glanced at the rubber bracelet encircling her wrist. WWWD? it asked. “Indeed,” she thought. 

 

 


 

“̸̖͚̆͊́̈́̎́͆W̶̛͉̓ḣ̵̭͇̼̆̏a̵̯͑́̒̓̊t̴̛̯͇̲͇͉̪͎̮̯̿͋͋͘ ̴̝̝͌̋w̴̡̧͔̠͍̞̺̣̱͖͙͕̼̿ȍ̸̡̢͉̝́̕͝ų̵̯͔̙͍͎̝̻̦͖̻̀̈́̉͑̃͋͐ḻ̵̢̢̫̬͇͔͕̠̓̐̄̍̈́̀̂͆̓͌̉͝ͅd̵̝͇̬̠̺̪̪͎͔̎̓̃̑̽̾͑̀̑̉̄̊͗̕͘͜ͅͅ ̶̰̘͚̺̼̣͂̇̾̈̉̆̋ͅW̷͎̲̦̓̔o̸̧̩͎̎͒̏̃͑͂͊̂̊̽͠z̴̧̛̤͖͙̩͒̕ń̶̛͚͓̲̔̉̔̈́͗̂̌̉́̋̒̉̅ī̴̢̯͔̝̝̬̻͌͆̋̔a̵͒̐͒͛͐̂́́̍͜k̶̡͈̖̮̟̭̳̖͇̳̙̣̏̔̍̀̊̐͠ ̸̨̹̱̖̩̂̈́̑̀́̓̆͂̓̍̍͘̚d̷͖̯͚̭̯͍̙̭̼̠̲͝o̶̢̢͇̤͙̮̥̱͙̦̙͔͉̙̊̔͋̎͂̀͐̚͜͝͠͠?̶̯̗̰̭̪̥̩̤̜̇͒͒̀̇”̴͓̗̲̙̍̈̌̓͋͂̍͘


 

And there it was: JOBS, like the plural of a biblical book. Sticking her shovel into the grass, she bent her back to her accursed task. Shovelful after shovelful, she dug ever deeper. Somewhere, high above and to the left a bit, a crow screeched.

 

What seemed like hours later, but was only minutes according to her Apple Watch, she struck something hard and metal. The casket, made of ergonomic chrome. Like he would have wanted. Sleek. Supple. User-friendly.

 

 


 

S̷̛͈͐͝͝h̷̛͇͓̮̬̬̗̲̐͊e̸̡̢̢̲̠̞̦͇̫̲̳͂̇̍͐̋͛͊̈́̃̚ͅ ̵̘̳̝̀̀͗͝j̵̟̬̬̯̳̥͈͙͇̦̩̠̿̈̒̄̓́̌̈́͝͠û̵̧̞̖̻͍ḿ̶̛͚͓͍̂͛̐͌̄̓̋̔̅̚͝ͅp̵̨̱̺̞͔̯̯͖̜̖͊̎̿͛͜͝è̶̡̧̳̺͙̜̥̙̻͉͋͒́͂ͅd̸̨̧̛̥̺̞͚̱̜̩̟̩̺̻͇͊̆́͒̀̄̓̋́̉͜͝ ̷̢̛̙̗̞̠̑͐̈́̔͆̏̃͊̿̌̂͜͝i̷̢̠̱͎̭̇̀͊̈́͑̅́́̍͋̎̕͝ͅñ̶̖̩̩̘̮̲͉͑̈́̾̿̍́̆̃ẗ̸͉̪̘́̉͒̅͋o̶̧̫̝͖̫̱̰͖͇̱̥͔̲͈͐ ̶͇̈͐̋̄ẗ̴̨͎̙͔̝͙͇͉́̌͗̒̆ͅh̵̨̢̢̻̜̺̮̖͈̳̻̰̜̞̪̃̆̂ę̴̘͖̘͍̣̯̥̻͚̋̾͜ ̵̨̗̭͇͔̥̜͍̤̠̦͎̳̱̬͒̔͐́͛͛̊̓ḑ̸̛̗͓̤̘̟̮͔͎̪̞̦̲̯͗͐̽̅͝͠à̷͉̞̥̟̼̳̪̩̮̦͚̫̭͉m̴͉̓̈̍̕͝ņ̵͇͔̻̼̦̺͇̟̥̠̟͗̇͗ͅͅą̴̛͍̣̩̱̱͈͚̟͔̰͛̈́̈́͊̆̾̀ͅb̷̨̼͖̱̩̪͎̠̺̂̌̉͆̐̈́̀̈́̈́͂̍͛͂͝͠l̶̡̠̗̳͈͉͛͌̾̽́̂̄̓̈́ͅè̷͓̻̻̱̰̤̤̍̽̄̂̋̕ͅ ̴̡̧̛̛͕͚̲̦͇͈͇̯̋͒̅͗̀͑̀̔͗̕͜͜͝e̴̲̬͖̪̍̆̿́̔a̷̧̤̩͒͋͛̈̑͊̄̏́̉͜͝͝ṙ̶̟̟͎̪̖͈̲͕̘̩̰t̴̨̙̥͉̟͚̪̻͚͙̟̗̫̦̆̈ȟ̸̛̘̙͓̭͚̯͈͓̞͙͈̼͉́͋̓͌͒̿̒̔͑͆̐̐ ̶̯͈́̌͂̒͌͛͋͛͋͗̚͜͝͝ǎ̴̡̰̗̘̭͔͔̰̯̳̲̖̦̮̥̃̎͒́͆̆̐̇̓̾͠͠n̴̛͎̖̭̦̤̺̲̘̗̰̩̈́͋̏̎̈̀̎̅́̚ͅͅḏ̷͉̲͔͓͔͇̓̓ͅͅ ̷̢̛͉̦̲̲̮͎̙͚̺͇̣͚̇͐͐͒͐̾̇͛̃͂̑c̴͓͉͌͂̿̈͊̑ṛ̴͊͐̍̃ą̴̫͓̣̺̟̠͓̺̣̦̲̓̈́͐̌̈̈̊̎͛̔͝ç̸̛̬͖̹̙͇̂̉͂̑͊̒̾̀̒̊̒͘k̶̢͖̬̼̠̳̞̬̪͎̘͇̩̈́̒͑̅͛̈́̒̈́ͅe̸͉̤̞͑́͂́̄̓̈́̍̓̃̚͜͝ḑ̶̨̨̳̠̹̩̭̖͈̭͍͈̞̃͗̍́̑͑̂̈́̏͂̽͑͛́͘ ̸̧̠̼̺̬̣̲̭̤̬̓͗̅̊̈͆͊̈́̊̀́́͊͠ṫ̴̺̰͇̼́h̵̪̰͈̣̝̹̰̙̣͚̙̱̩͊͒e̸͙̤̪̝̫͚͔̻̼͖̬͍̓͜ ̶̧̭̩̦̦̖͚̬͎̖͖̩̣̌̓̂͂̽́̔̔͌̓́̑͘͜ͅl̸̡̛͍̞̩̪̺̭͖̘̯̮̓̽ͅì̴̧̻̘͔̦̭̞̪͔̗͚͙̩̾̃́̅̇͜d̵̬̼̳̥̱̰͌͗͋̎̈́̀̓̊̋̈̽̀̚͜͝.̴̡̮̯̤̯̦͉͋̐͝.. 


 

And her face contorted in abject horror, an animalistic mask of pure fear, the likes of which none have ever emblazoned upon their own personages and subsequently lived to tell the tale.

 

Somewhere, far away and to the left a bit, her recruiter, Albie, sat up ramrod-stiff in bed, breathing hard. His wife, Tina, started awake and touched his waist. He turned to her, a haunted smile playing at the edge of his lips.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing, honey,” he reassured her, an edge to his voice. “We just hired another intern, is all.”

Sent from my iPhone

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Anchor 10

If You Give a Man a Cookie

By Evan Montgomery

IT WAS ALMOST MIDNIGHT late one Friday night when Scott, an accountant in his late 20's, was having some drinks at the local bar. Going out for drinks with his co-workers every Friday after work had become a tradition in the office. Scott wasn't particularly friends with any of the people he worked with, but he also wasn't enemies with them either.

 

He was out particularly late this Friday night because he had struck up an interesting conversation with one of his co-workers, Christina. After talking for a few hours, Scott checked the time on his phone and realized that he had stayed out far later than he had planned to. Scott was never exactly a night owl.

 

“Oh my god, I must’ve lost track of time! This was lovely, Christina, but I think I should probably get going," said Scott. He began to pull out a few bucks to leave as a tip for the bartender.

 

“Yeah it was great talking to you Scott, get home safe!”

 

“Thanks, you too!” replied Scott as he gathered his things.

 

Scott made his way out the door of the bar and started home. The walk from the bar to his apartment is only about a 10-minute walk. He has always been a little scared of the dark, and because it was late at night, he made sure to be extra vigilant on his walk home.

 

About halfway to his apartment, Scott started to get the feeling that he was being followed. At first, he wrote this off as his overactive imagination but as he continued walking, he started to see a figure out of the corner of his eye. He started to pick up the pace. 

 

After a minute of seeing the figure out of the corner of his eye, he decided he was undeniably being followed and was most likely going to get murdered or robbed. He started to think of ways to throw this stalker off of his scent. He made a few weird turns and soon he turned his speed walk into a light jog but no matter what he did, the dark figure followed. 

 

At this point, Scott was only about 3 minutes away from his apartment, but the figure just kept getting closer and closer. It was at this time that Scott remembered that he had put a pocket-size pepper spray/flashlight hybrid in his coat pocket after an almost fatal encounter with a raccoon. 

 

So, believing that he had no other choice, Scott grabbed the pepper spray out of his coat pocket and turned around, pressed the button to activate the flashlight and yelled: "I'm not afraid to use this!"

 

The person’s hands immediately shot up in the air “Please don’t spray me I’m not going to hurt you.” 

 

This was the first time Scott saw the face of the person following him. To Scott's amazement, the person following him appeared to be Dave Grohl: the founder, lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist and primary songwriter of the rock band Foo Fighters.

 

“Dave Grohl: the founder, lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist and primary songwriter of the rock band Foo Fighters? Why are you following me?” Scott asked in a state of utter shock and disbelief.

 

“I’m lost. I don’t know how to get back home and I’m scared.” Dave replied.

 

Scott looked around to check if anyone else was witnessing what was happening right before his eyes, but alas it was just the two of them.

 

“Uhhhh…. well where do you live?”

 

"I- I don't remember," Dave said with puppy eyes and a frown. 

 

It became apparent to Scott that for whatever reason Dave had lost all ability to function as a normal adult and had reverted to the mindset of a toddler. 

 

As tears began to well up in Dave’s eyes he asked through sniffling “Can I come and stay with you for the night?”

 

Scott hadn't had THAT much to drink back at the bar, but at this point, he was convinced this was all a drunk hallucination that would all disappear when he woke up in the morning.

 

"If it means that I can get to bed faster than yes you can come and stay in my apartment for the night" Scott told Dave reluctantly 

 

A small smile grew on Dave’s face as he wiped away tears he looked up at Scott “Really? Thank you, mister, you’re the best!”

 

Scott put his pepper spray away, rolled his eyes, and motioned for Dave to follow him. But before they started to walk towards Scott's apartment, Dave had another request.

 

“Can I hold your hand… I’m scared of the dark.”

 

With a look on his face that said “You’ve got to be kidding me” Scott reluctantly agreed, and they made their way back to his apartment. Hand and hand.

 

When they arrived at Scott's one-bedroom apartment, Dave immediately sprinted to the queen bed in Scott's room and started jumping on it.

 

“Can I sleep here mister; this bed is so bouncy! I’ve never seen one like this.” Dave pleaded.

“Oh no, absolutely not. I sleep in my bed.” Scott points to the couch in the small living room “That’s where you sleep.”

 

Dave could tell by the tone in Scott's voice that he wasn't going to budge on this one. Dave made his way over to the couch. As Dave got comfortable on the couch, Scott brought him over a blanket and a pillow. He mindlessly threw them on the couch, said goodnight, and began to walk back to his bedroom so he could finally go to sleep.

 

Right when Scott turned around and started towards his bedroom, Dave had yet another request.

 

"Hey, mister- are you gonna tuck me in? Cause I can’t fall asleep if I’m not tucked in.”

 

Scott had had enough but he knew that if he snapped at Dave, it would just make matters worse.

 

With clenched teeth, Scott turned around and replied, "If I tuck you in do you PROMISE to go to sleep and not ask for anything else?"

 

"I pinky promise," Dave said as he held his pinky finger in the air.

 

Scott couldn’t believe he was really about to tuck the founder, lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist and primary songwriter of the rock band Foo Fighters, into bed. But unfortunately, he had no other choice. He walked over to the couch and tucked Dave Grohl into bed, all the while Dave had the infamous smug grin on his face that all toddlers have when they get what they want.

 

Scott finished tucking Dave in, walked over to the light switch and was about to turn off the lights when he heard Dave's voice behind him.

 

“Goodnight mister.” Dave muttered.

 

“Goodnight Dave.” Scott replied begrudgingly, before turning out the lights and finally heading to bed and falling asleep.

 

When Scott woke up in the morning, he was afraid to look out into the living room. He was 99% sure what had happened last night was just some twisted dream he was having but there was a part of him that just wasn’t sure. 

 

Scott got out of bed, opened his door and hesitantly peered around the corner to see if Dave was really there. Scott let out a huge sigh of relief when he saw that the couch was just how he had left it when he left for work the morning before. 

 

With a huge weight lifted off his shoulders, Scott headed to the kitchen, which was on the other side of his apartment, to grab some breakfast. When he turned the corner and entered his kitchen he immediately stopped in his tracks. The kitchen was covered from floor to ceiling in what appeared to be flour. And standing in the middle of the kitchen, wearing Scott's floral apron, and absolutely covered in flour was none other than the founder, lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist and primary songwriter of the rock band Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl.

 

“Good morning sleepyhead. I made us pancakes!”

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